I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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