i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
