I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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