Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
