so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
