and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
