Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
