oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
