My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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