Even water is tasting like jack daniels
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
