she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
