YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
