I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
