you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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