So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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