I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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