Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
