He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
