8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
