Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
