This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
