i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
