Will you blow on my dice?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
