I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
