Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
