i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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