Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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