butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
