I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
