Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
