so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
