can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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