i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
