So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Say something about gay babies.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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