I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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