Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
