from now on my penis is your penis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
