i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
