the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
