listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
