Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
