he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
