I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
