Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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