I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
