I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
