you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
