I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
