I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
