So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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